Like A Mom.
Messy bun, headband, 2 day old makeup, gym clothes, dirty feet and smell from a workout 12 hours ago. I passed by the full length mirror in my bathroom and cringe, my first thought “I look like such a mom”. Stopping long enough to stare at the deep forehead wrinkles and added pounds that weren’t there last year. I feel my shoulders drop, my heart get heavy, and suddenly I feel every wrinkle. I slowly start to pick myself apart in my head as I return to picking up. Hating that more than ever I look like a mom.. Wesley runs into the bathroom yelling “MOM” his voice breaks my self-talk, I look up and he has the biggest smile on his face “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! I need you! Come here!” He drags me outside “Watch this!” he climbs into the pool, plugs his nose and goes under. I look over the edge of the pool watching as he holds his breath underwater, in a split second he shoots out of the water like a rocket. Gasping for air he proclaims “ISN’T THAT AWESOME?! HOW LONG WAS THAT? 15 MINUTES? I bet it was! That was a LONG TIME. Maybe my longest EVER! I’ve been practicing to show you” If his smile got any bigger it would crack. Staring up at me with his big blue eyes waiting for my excitement and approval, I bought every word he said “TOTALLY! That had to of been 15 MINUTES! Maybe even 16! You make me so proud!” He says “You make me so proud too mom! I’ve been practicing to show you because you know strong. You see strong people all day and you are strong too” {Insert reality check!}
I stood there for a second thinking back to just a few minutes ago and the thoughts that were stirring in my head. When did “like a mom” become such a bad thing to me? Being a mom is the biggest honor. Being a mom means you have to be a total badass! I know the strength and resilience needed to wear that badge. Why did I in that moment downplay something I know is a symbol of power? Yeah, I look like a woman who sacrificed her body to grow another, I look like a woman who spent chapters of her life putting her babies before herself, I look like a woman who has held crying infants, toddlers, and teens, I look like a woman who has cried for the ones I held, I look like a woman who wears the love, laughter, pain, stress, and confusion of being a mom across my face with every laugh line and forehead wrinkle. I also look like the poster child for badassness! (Yep, I made that word up! Lol)… I stood there and “watched this” until he ran out of tricks {Ya feel me?! you know “watch this” can last FOREVER. LOL}
I walked back in the house to stand in front of that mirror again, I smiled thinking back at myself thinking of Wes saying “You make me proud too mom…..” I stood there and said aloud to myself “You make me proud. You have come a long way Nikki. I’m proud of you for fitting in a workout in your busy schedule. I’m proud of you for taking time to care for yourself. I will not let those added pounds change my value to myself or anyone else. I will be thankful that I have the honor of getting to an age where my body starts to wrinkle. I promise to make “like a mom” your statement of empowerment, not discouragement”
Whether you are in the days of nursing, the years of fruit snacks, the moments of teaching life lessons or every place in between the next time you think “ like a mom” hold your head up high! You are a vision of selflessness, strength, love, resilience, and beauty and that makes you enough. Just as you are.